“I knew that I wasn't straight when I was around 11 or 12. I had always been very outspoken about the LGBT+ community ever since I was young and I remember thinking I was just a really, really supportive ally and my earliest memory of discussing this was with my friends in primary school.”

My little aged 10 brain went something like this:

"Of course, I'm not gay but I do have A LOT of empathy for the LGBT community. And of course, I don’t want to kiss girls but I COMPLETELY understand why people would.  Like girls are great and boys suck and yes I have a lot of gay Barbie dolls and yes I've never really been fussed about getting married to a man someday but clearly that doesn't make me a lesbian just a very understanding ally."

Newsflash I am gay. 

But it took be about 5 years of questioning and 2 dates with a male friend until I finally knew I was gay. I never had any problems accepting my sexuality as everyone close to me was accepting and the people who weren't I didn't really like anyway so it didn't bother me. But I didn’t like how I was questioning for so many years. I always felt that it didn't matter what I was, but I just really wanted to know. You see, I'm usually the dominant one or the "adult" as they refer to me in my friendship groups because I like to make the plans and be in control. I've always liked to be in control (over my movement through dance, my grades through studying and just general day to day relationships) which is why I didn't like questioning because I simply didn't know and therefore felt like I wasn't in control. So after 2 dates with a guy, when I finally knew I was a lesbian and therefore I needed to break up with him I felt awful telling him because I don't like hurting people but straight after that I went to find my friends with the biggest smile in my face that I just couldn't help cos I  finally knew I was gay instead of questioning. I was so, so, so happy that I was gay. After 5 years I knew who I was, and I was so incredibly happy about it. 

I now primarily refer to myself as gay, queer or lesbian and am happy to switch around with these labels as they all identify me. For me over my many years of questioning I've found a strong affiliation with the word queer and to me it means outside the hetero norm and I could comfortably identify with that without feeling the pressure of giving another label. It also empowers me more knowing that it's been reclaimed and can be used positively. I like using the term queer but tend to only use it with people I know understand and know what it means and use gay or lesbian to those who might need baby steps into the LGBT+ community.